I just got done with Beachbody’s 21 Day Fix program. When the pandemic hit, I started a shared accountability group on Zoom that has gone through two rounds so far. We decided, if we were going to have all of this time locked inside, we would take advantage of the opportunity to get in shape. When else will we be able to work out without having to do the juggling act of parenting, leadership, etc. to get our workouts in? This experience has been a silver lining in this global plot twist we were all presented with, and unbeknownst to my family there was still more storms ahead…
Breanna, Virtuous, Noble, and Strong
My oldest daughter lives in Florida with her husband and two children, and we were all expecting their third child in August. However, life happened, and our little Breanna was born a micro-preemie.. Needless to say, this has presented us with a serious challenge amidst an already complicated season. You may be thinking, “What is a micro-preemie?” I know I was. It turns out, “A micro-preemie is a baby who is born weighing less than 1 pound, 12 ounces (800 grams) or before 26 weeks gestation. Since these types of babies are born months before their due dates, micro-preemies face long stays in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU).”
As soon as this matter ensued, I started researching names. I believed we should call her something that would equate to her winning this fight for her life in the coming months. I only told a few people what was going on, because we were very scared at first. All preemies don’t survive. Sadly, once I realized that there was nothing we would be able to do to stop this, one of the first things I did was google survival rates. We decided on Breanna because it means virtuous, noble, and strong, and because it is the name her husband and her grandmother could agree on (lol).
Values-Based Leadership
Harry Kraemer’s book “From values to action: the four principles of values based leadership” was one of our first assignments a Baumhart Scholars, and we were fortunate to have Mr. Kraemer visit with us as a guest lecturer following our reading. He was just as authentic, vulnerable, and amazing as his writing in person.
As I tell my students, becoming the best kind of leader isn't about emulating a role model or a historic figure. Rather, your leadership must be rooted in who you are and what matters most to you. When you truly know yourself and what you stand for, it is much easier to know what to do in any situation. It always comes down to doing the right thing and doing the best you can. That may sound simple, but it's hardly simplistic. Doing the right thing is a lifelong challenge for all of us. -Forbes, The Only True Leadership is Values-Based Leadership
I had no way of knowing how important this wisdom would become in my life, both personally and professionally, this year. Reading this book would deepen my resolve to align and live my values personally and professionally for the rest of my life. I aspire to lead authentically in word and deed, and living in a space where I am honest and free to be myself at all times. By doing so, I hope to continue meeting people where they are, inviting them to bring all of themselves to our interactions/experiences and then locking arms with them on their journey to being better and more. This authentic engagement will allow us to make lasting progress instead of showing up in a manner where you believe you have to present a version of yourself that makes you appear “politically correct” and therefore completely negates the opportunity for meaningful and lasting change/growth.
I have witnessed leaders who attempt to force people into boxes that make them comfortable, flying in the face of being brave enough to invite all types of people to the table which ultimately serves and benefits us all. They delude themselves, blind to the reality of their behavior. Being grounded in your values as a leader and as a person are not different or separate. We shouldn’t be artificial and divisive in our career and then selling a faux benevolence to others. Still even as I type those words I acknowledge my own naiveté. I understand there are leaders in our world who have the privilege of being/doing just that. This year, I’ve been presented with defining moments where I have needed to make critical decisions. When I got still and reminded myself of who I am and what I believe, the way forward was immediately crystal clear. No matter who we say we are and what we tell people we believe, the truth lies in what we actually do when our values are put to the test.
Another Test
‘Family First’ is one of my values. This is something I say and practice with my children, friends, team members, and employees. I seek to set an example that reinforces my support for them being great at work and equally great at family. I have been blessed to have leaders, professors, colleagues and people in my life who have always supported me when my family’s needs intersected with whatever my priorities were at any given time. So, what was I to do when my child was miles away amidst this COVID-19 lockdown? First, we supported her as best we could during the delivery (via face time). After that was over, we let her know we would see her soon. It was a no-brainer. Pandemic be damned, we loaded the truck and got on the road—family first.
Our Legacy
So I finished the 21 Day Fix in my mom’s living room in Florida, and as I sat gasping for air (because Autumn Calabrese went hard in the paint for our last work out), I started to take in the photos and the degrees on my mom’s living room wall. My mom is goals. She has wall full of her children’s degrees (and will quickly let you know five are missing) having never graduated from college herself. I hope to be as amazing and influential in who my children become. And then my eyes landed on my grandmother and great grandmother. I sat appreciating that I come from women who are strong, determined, generous, and beautiful (inside and out). That’s what I know about them from the stories that are told and the experiences I have had with how they showed up in the world. I started to think about what memories my picture will conjure up for my children and grand children in the future.
When I arrived in Florida and connected with my daughter for the first time, I saw weariness in her eyes. I could see the sadness she was trying to hide through fake smiles and a happy voice. She is tired, and she is hurting. Like so many moms who experience premature childbirth, she has been discharged and forced to leave Breanna behind for at least three months. Her heart is divided, trying to remain present for her baby and for her family, delivering the milk she has pumped for Breanna, and being present for her little ones at home. Because of COVID 19, no one else is permitted to visit the baby. We get daily pictures on an app to update us on how she is doing. It’s heavy, but another value I hold dear is ambitious courage. I coined that phrase because it’s not only having courage to manage the ebbing and flowing of challenges leaders encounter but it’s also going for it. Making the good things we desire happen. No matter what crisis or tragedy (or global pandemic) shows up, I have a standing response. “I’m the woman for the job”, and I need to make my daughter know that she is too.
Choosing to be here this week has provided an opportunity for me to live out my values and nurture the same in my daughter. I’m here to show and remind her of the strength and beauty she carries within. Along with taking some of the weight off of her shoulders, I’m here to assist her with setting up systems of support to get through this. Supporting her during this season is intentionally shaping our legacy—one of beauty, strength, and an unexplainable gift for loving, supporting and bringing out the best in others, come what may.
Legacies grow generationally. Yet again, I am reminded of Maya Angelou’s poem “Our Grandmothers” . I am the legacy of women who have historically overcome tremendous odds and challenges with a strength and grace that passes all understanding. Women who love and care for others and get the job done, come hell or high water.. I am the legacy of my mother and my grandmothers. By showing up, I’m able to be/show the love, the strength, and the care that I want to be remembered for and to carry them forward as courageous women who continue our legacy and create their own.
Keeping it real, true, and free,
Garland Darling
