As I sat down to digest and reflect my day, God met me in a state of self-pity and overwhelmed me with recognizing the manifestation of His GLORY, GRACE, and MERCY in my life. I opened my bible to Psalm 8 and found myself singing a praise song that stilled my soul, comforted my heart, and moved me to tears simultaneously.
Lord if I Find favor in Your sight, Lord please, Hear my hearts cry. I'm desperately waiting, To be where You are, I'll cross the hottest desert, I'll travel near or far. For Your glory. I will do anything. Just to see You. To behold You as my King…I want to be where you are…Peace is where you are…Joy is where you are…and Love is who you are…Everything I need is where you are… —Tasha Cobbs
Last night I stayed up late prepping for important meetings. I got no sleep, tossing and turning in anticipation of these two critical conversations. Consequently, I woke up in hives. I took some Benadryl and asked my cousin, Errol to drive me to take my boys to their respective schools and then drive me to work. I had a car accident last week, and I was afraid of being tired and getting groggy on the road (sleep deprived and on meds). I knew still had to show up and hold it down…in life…as always. This week I have been reflecting on the need to be positive and grateful despite my circumstances, yet it seemed, the more I focused there, the more my joy/peace was being attacked. Just to anchor myself in the magnitude of God’s goodness, I am going to blog on critical triumphs I am thankful to be experiencing.
My Cousin, Errol
Two weeks ago, I found myself listening to a message about TD Jakes about being Open to Better. In the message, Bishop Jakes talks about recognizing our humanity amidst our giftedness and the weight of the crosses we have to bear. I typically try to juggle it all with a smile while sometimes breaking down under the weight of it all privately, I could feel myself reaching a point of exhaustion and defeat in seeking to work to restore my health and manage my world of professional and personal responsibilities. The message convicted me to ask for help.
I expressed this to my cousin (without much detail) and within a week, he was on a plane from NYC. With the most humility and a servant’s heart, he has shown up to help me through this season. My words may fail to capture the blessing his presence and support has meant to me and my sons. In the message, Jakes encourages us to hold on. His words were, “Help is on the way!” Errol is a manifestation of God’s mindfulness of me. Because of him, I am no longer alone. Indeed, He made a way! Cousin, I love you as always, and I am thankful that God positioned you to be with me. Thank you for being there, for the laughs, the love, and the support. You are one of a kind.
Greatness, For His Glory
Since I was driven to work, I was without transportation. I couldn’t make it to the gym and my personal agenda was thrown for the day. This is where the beating myself up started. Despite all that I have been sacrificing long before the current challenge to reset/restore my physical health, I started self-deprecating about letting my team down. Lord knows, it was out of my control, so I had to accept this small defeat and not allow this to distract me from two amazing meetings.
One meeting was with district level leadership and one with a foundation. In both cases we reviewed the year and the ambitious/daunting goals we were faced with last year as well as this year’s strategy. In both cases we were showered with praise for climbing the mountains and defeating the giants that threatened the vitality of our organization successfully. I can’t count how many times I was told how critical my leadership. Why was I so quickly forgetting the power of what we accomplished last year?! In the first meeting, I was told that we were a model for materializing results through meaningful strategy. In the second, the founder/Patriarch of the foundation kissed my hand and told me, “We are so grateful for you. You are doing the Lord’s work…I’m here to help make this easier on you.” Truly, God has favored me yet again.
This man is an elder and a philanthropic giant. His act was completely endearing, genuine and encouraging. Initially, I was told he would not be in the meeting. One can visibly see his health changing, He is aging, but there he was with his cane and cheerful spirit telling me he made his way there because the progress of the school means so much to him. My respect and gratitude toward him continues to abound. The work his family does is heartfelt and humbling. God gifted me with his presence today. Watching him made me think of my grandmother, who I lost last year when I started the work. I was blessed by the opportunity to share time with him, choosing to endure with concern for others above the challenges of his physical limitations.
God has saw fit to surround me with a community of support as I walked through divorce, feeling like I was yet again in the valley of the shadow of death. He walked with me, keeping his word and showing up so powerfully in my work and our results—against EVERY ODD. In all that I do, I invite God to glorify himself. I want to always acknowledge that it is indeed in Him that I have my being. He continues to see and bring about the best in me. Apart from His grace, I am nothing. To God be the glory for his faithfulness.
It is impossible to know where I come from, what I have been through and not weep at the wonder of every victory he uses me to pull off. I’m a ghetto girl who had three children before I turned twenty-one. If you name the social program or “WELFARE”, I have been on it. I have lived in poverty as a child and as a mother, but it was only for a season. I want to always connect with that young girl in my past who was insecure, carrying shame and a low self-esteem as I climbed with hope for a better future. He is mine, and I am completely His. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and while I may not be where I want to be, I am FAR from where I used to be. I know what it feels like to be broken, to be written off, over-looked, and counted out.
So, before I walk forward and leave this harvest behind me, I want to stop and smell these roses. We frequently rush past the compliments and good things to downplay the giftedness he has instilled in us. Tonight I am lifting and glorifying my Father for staying married to me in every stage/season of my life. If it had not been for the Lord on my side, I would be telling a different story. Because of Him, I am not a statistic. Because of Him, I am determined to encourage and serve others. He holds me, lifts my head, and catches every tear. In Him, I am assured that better days are ahead, and the desires of my heart will be fulfilled.
There is so much to my story and even more I could say. However, I want to focus on the blessings I have been endowed with and allowed to experience. I will not allow the enemy to distract me from the overwhelming hand of God on my life. I go forth choosing and declaring that THIS IS MY SEASON!!! I want to encourage YOU to continue to speak life, health, and prosperity over yourself and your situation. More importantly, don’t you dare give up!!!
Keeping it real, true, and free,
Garland Darling